There is a famous insurance company that uses the slogan, “Like a good neighbor,…” and yesterday I got a taste of what good neighbors do. I wrote about my landscape company’s exit from the business and my first installment in the quest to find a decent lawnmower.
A few days later, I met my neighbor by the mailbox. We chatted about keeping up with the landscape growth, kids, and our pool maintenance. As I toiled away the next weekend in my backyard on a 97° day, my neighbor mowed and edged my front yard. It was an unasked and unexpected blessing.
My Personal Neighbor Score
I’m not a particularly great neighbor. I give myself a D grade, considering my criteria for what makes a good neighbor. I practice a sloppy, but inconsistent Neighborhood Watch. My landscaping could be cleaner.
I haven’t baked or cooked dinners to welcome new residents to the neighborhood. I don’t belong to the voluntary Home Owners Association because the organization became too political and intrusive. I don’t know many of the people who live around me by sight.
On the plus side, I don’t practice some of the creepy ways people attempt to be neighborly. I don’t peek over the security fence, and I don’t butt into other people’s business.
Can we still use old-fashioned neighbor skills?
Everyone in the neighborhood knew everyone else back when I was young. People spoke to each other when they met out in the yards, and people waved and stopped to speak in the streets. Welcome Wagon ladies visited your home when you moved in, and neighbors brought cakes and hot dishes, welcoming you to their neighborhood.
My Grandmother told us how her neighbors borrowed sugar and watched each other’s kids when she was raising her family. It was the 1940s in wartime America. Everyone grew a vegetable garden, and it was normal for them to share the excess garden produce with all the neighbors. It was constant face-to-face communication.
When did we lose our sense of community?
The massive shift in community didn’t happen because we aren’t friendly today. It happened because our lifestyles changed. We don’t spend as much time sitting on the front steps or out in our yards. Many of us spend our days at home behind a computer screen, or we work later in our offices. Salespeople don’t go door-to-door, and we’ve become a lot less comfortable with people just arbitrarily dropping by.
I work in my yard a lot and I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen other neighbors out in their spaces. I see their hired landscapers and the delivery services more. Very few of my neighbors walk around the neighborhood for exercise. They go to the gym or workout inside their homes to avoid the heat. I honestly couldn’t tell you who is a resident and who is a stranger in the community.
How the Internet Affected the Neighborhood
Technology should help door-to-door relations. Neighborhood websites like Nextdoor.com should help us communicate about social events and suspicious activity. What went wrong?
Catherine Garcia of The Week nailed the problem in her article. She accurately describes how contributors voice their displeasure with comments that criticize. Social media brought out the worst in people online. These websites became a place to confront and belittle anyone we believed wasn’t living up to our standards.
The five tips to build community with neighbors
I’ve begun to wonder how we can build our community relationships in 2025, and here are my top 5 ideas for regaining that friendly community vibe in the neighborhood.
- Be Friendly
The number one trait of good neighbors is that they are approachable and friendly. Neighbors who wave and acknowledge everyone they see on the street — visitors and residents — are perceived as friendly and welcoming. Your eye-to-eye contact indicates you are willing to engage in conversation.
Create a welcoming channel for communication between you and your neighbors. Consider extending a friendly gesture, such as a welcome gift like a plant, within the first few days of their move-in. - Exchange information
Carry a card to your neighbors with your contact information and email. Consider your lifestyle and offer names and contacts of trusted resources. I tried seven, yes seven, yard services before I landed on one that worked for me. My next-door neighbor recommended the company that finally won me over. I would have loved for one of my neighbors to say, “Feel free to ask me if you need a referral for help or tasks around the house. I’ll be happy to let you know who I use.” - Be a resource
Don’t be a gossipy neighbor, but do be informative. It’s nice to break the ice for new residents by offering introductions. When my new neighbor moved, I introduced myself and identified two other nearby neighbors. “My name is Barbara. I live next door. Your other neighbor is Audrey Long. She’s a retired teacher. She and her husband Bob have lived here a long time. John Smith lives across the street. He’s an ER doctor and a great guy.” - Be neat
Every home contributes to the neighborhood’s appearance. Don’t be the house on the block known for overgrown grass and dead flower beds. Maintain your home’s curb appeal by regularly mowing the yard, cleaning gutters, power washing the house, and picking up scattered toys.
You can tell a lot about your neighbors on garbage day. Life gets in the way sometimes when schedules get busy. Don’t be intrusive, but offer help if your neighbors don’t get that garbage bin off the curb one week. A busy or injured neighbor will appreciate those few extra steps you take to help them keep up. - Be seen
You bought a house, condo, or townhouse to own a piece of real estate. Be active in maintaining your home and be visible and available in your community.